Loris's Jibberish
by KittyKattyLOL
Summary: Ficlets and drabbles and whatnot. Maybe even a scrapped story or two.
1. Chapter 1

Newkirk was looking through his fellow Midshipman's closet in desperate need of some new suspenders. He had lost his and was desperately rummaging through Dylan's things, looking for them.

"Aha! I'm sure Dylan has more than one pair, so he won't mind me taking these. Just gotta get out before he barking notices me." He mumbled to himself. Newkirk was about to open the closet, but then Dylan walked in and sat on his cot, then Alek sat next to Dylan. "Blisters!" He swore to himself. That ungodly 'Bovril' creature (As they called it) was sitting on Alek's shoulder, but then he took it down and set it on Dylan's freshly-rummaged-through dresser, and it gave a scowl, if Lotuses (Or whatever that thing was) could scowl, that is. Then, a very unsettling thing happened.  
"Middy Newkirk, reporting for duty!" The lotus exclaimed in it's evilly cute and high pitched voice. "_Barking spawn of the Devil, you are_!" Newkirk thought to himself, holding his breath.

"Hush beastie, Newkirk is topside with the riggers," Dylan exchanged a worried look with Alek. "He was just up there. Didn't you see him topside Alek?" Dylan's voice sounded high and squeaky and girly. Like a mooning village lassie.  
"Fah," Alek tried his best impersonation of Count Volger, rewarded with uncontrolled fits of giggles from both Alek and Dylan. Once he regained his composure, he answered, "Yes, I do believe I saw him topside." Alek glanced at Newkirk's cot, across the room, before staring deep into Dylan's eyes.

"What the bloody hell?" Newkirk whispered to himself, "Why the hell do they care whether I intrude or not?"  
"Did you hear something?" Alek asked.

"Nope. I can check, if it makes you feel any better." Dylan dramatically puffed out his bottom lip and made his eyes sad-like.

"What the hell is Dylan making puppy-dog eyes for?" He almost said out loud. The two (oddly close, relationship wise) friends burst out into laughter at Dylan's performance.

"No, Deryn, I believe I'm quite content already," Alek answered, a mischievous grin playing on his face.  
"_Deryn?_" Newkirk thought. All too late he noticed how close their faces were. "But if you really want to make me feel better-" His sentence was cut off and muffled.  
Newkirk had to choke back a gasp of disgust and surprise, because his two best (and only) friends were sitting on Dylan's cot, snogging! Newkirk stopped his teeth from chattering, and looked out of the crack in the closet once more. Alek was on top of Dylan, pinning the boy to the wall while Dylan made girly noises of pleasure, while Alek unbuttoned his first few shirt buttons (And Dylan seemed obliged to return the favor), their tongues in eachother's mouths. Newkirk felt nauseous watching his friends, and couldn't help but feel like a barking spy. He nearly had a panic attack in Dylan's tiny closet! He forced himself to look back out. The two were still swapping spit, Dylan was still making the girly noises, and Alek's hand was up Dylan's shirt, although he didn't see how that was romantic or pleasurable in any way...unless...It all made sense now! The pet name, Deryn, his hand up her shirt, Dylan (Well, Deryn now, he supposed) never undressing in front of anybody, even for a dip in a lake on a scorching hot day! In a rush of adrenaline from his sudden realization, lacking all common sense to wait until they fell asleep, then go to bed and talk in the morning, he burst out of the closet.

"You're a girl!" He shouted. The couple turned absolutely scarlet, staring wide-eyed at Newkirk.

"God's wounds man!" Alek yelped, gasping in surprise. Realizing what he had done, Newkirk stared back for a moment, returning the same stare, his mouth just opening and closing.

"Wh-Why-Blisters! I-I..." Deryn sputtered out as Alek quickly got off of her and sat next to her, buttoning up his shirt. Newkirk glanced down, and following his lead, Deryn covered herself up with her arms and began to re-button a couple buttons that had been undone, and straightening her tie and suspenders. They both fixed their mussed hair and stared guiltily at the intricate wooden floor pattern. Deryn suddenly seemed filled with rage. She stomped across the room to an awestruck and slapped him silly. "What on barking earth where you doing in my closet spying on us?" She demanded.

"I was looking for some spare suspenders. I was about to leave when you two came in and started...started snogging eachother's faces off!" Newkirk exclaimed, earning himself another angry slap. "Ow! Stop! It's not like I wanted to watch my two friends doing _that_, so I jumped out of the closet!" He yelped.

"Are you barking kidding me? We weren't going to do-do-do_ That_!" She yelled.  
_"Was in der Welt nur verdammt ist passiert?_" Alek mumbled, staring at the floor still.

"Shut it Alek. You know I can't understand Clanker Speak very well. Barking spiders Newkirk! What all...did you see?" Deryn asked, scared.

"The whole bloody thing. And I thought you were...gay for half of it." Newkirk responded, earning him glare frightening enough to scare the tentacles off the Behemoth.  
"How did you figure out I was a girl?" She questioned him further.

"His hands were up your shirt and well...I just kind of guessed from there. Plus, you two don't seem barking fond of other men." Newkirk sighed. The realization really hit him this time. Hard enough to knock him off his feet.

"Bloody hell Alek, he fainted!" He heard a distant voice say. There was a stinging sensation on his still-raw cheek. He opened his eyes.

"Ow! Stop smacking me, you bloody prince!" He yelped.

"Don't faint, or better yet, don't spy on us then!" Alek growled. He heard a laugh.

"I'm sorry. You look funny when you're mad and trying to scare someone!" Deryn giggled. "I-I'm sorry!" She tried to stifle out another laugh, but ended up doubling over laughing. Alek raised his eyebrow, but the corners of his mouth were twitching. Soon he was laughing too.

"Excuse me, but what in blazes is going on here?" Newkirk asked.

"Well, I'm a girl, and you just spied on us snogging." She broke into another fit of laughter on the last word. Alek slowly stopped laughing, and put on a serious face.

"Should you dare tell anyone, I fear I shall have to throw you out a window. It is advisable not to tell anybody." He said, threatening Newkirk.

"Aye, Don't worry. Dylan...or Deryn it seems is my friend. I'm no snitch. Just please, don't do it in front of me."

"Barking spiders!" Bovril said, suddenly appearing.

"Disgusting! You do it in front of the Lotus?" He asked, startled by the lotus suddenly popping up on Deryn's bed.

"Lotus? It's a barking Loris, you ninny!" Deryn chuckled.

"Oh, and Newkirk?" Alek asked. "Please leave the room."

"Erm, why?"

"Well, you just said not to...snog in front of you, and I don't believe we were finished." Alek and Deryn's cheeks flushed red, but a mischievous smile played on both their faces.

"Oh I don't believe we were...Mmf!" Newkirk heard as he closed the door, a chill shaking his entire body. He headed towards the loo. He needed to think about this madness.


	2. Nightmares

**Disclaimer: I own none of these people. They**** belong to Scott Westerfeld, as always.**  
"Alek, dear, can you go check on Max?" Deryn was saying.  
"And who might this Max be?" Alek wondered out loud, suddenly aware of Bovril's absence.  
"Our son, you daftie! Honestly, did someone clonk you on the barking head?" She laughed.  
He was truly bewildered now. "Our _son_?"  
"Aye. You know, that person that comes out of a lassie's belly after doing some...things." She was laughing very hard now. He looked down, and she was in a dress! She was also sitting on a rather posh looking chair, and he was too, it seemed.  
"Oh. Yes. Things indeed. I shall go check on him then..." Aleksandar said quietly as he scanned the room. This was Konopiště castle! His home! He stood, and wandered to his old bedroom, assuming that was where his so-called son would be. When he opened the door, a toddler lay in his old bed, with hair like Deryn's. The toddler's chest gently rose and fell, so he shut the door and returned to the dining hall to tell Deryn of his findings.  
Upon entering the room, his eyes welled with tears. "Deryn?" He yelped. She was slumped over the table, unmoving. There was no longer a gentle rise and fall of her chest. A wineglass lay tipped over on the floor, spilling greenish colored contents onto the floor. Alek rushed over to her, grabbing her cold wrist. Tears streamed from his eyes. "No! This can't be happening! Diener! Holen Sie sich Hilfe!" He screamed out. "Deryn! Deryn wake up! Get up Deryn!" He screamed until he was hoarse.

"Alek!" He woke with a jolt. His eyes felt wet with tears shed in his sleep. Deryn was shaking his shoulders, as he was yelling in his sleep. "Bloody hell Alek, what were you dreaming about? I could hear you from my cabin!" His beloved Deryn was in fact not dead. It was simply a nightmare. "I thought you died! Thank god it was only a nightmare!" Alek yelped, forcing her to sit down and pulling her in for a hug as his eyes welled with tears of joy.  
"Me? Die? You're crazy, you daft prince! Deryn Sharp can't die, and you ought to know that by now!" She laughed, hugging him tight.  
" I guess that's true. The nightmare may have been a result of me thinking about my parents before sleeping." He said through her hair. He inhaled shakily, smelling her hair, assuring himself that she wasn't dead.  
"Why would that make you imagine me dead?" She asked, pulling back. A smug grin appeared on her face as she realized why.  
He wanted to hug her again. "I...well...um...I love you." Alek replied quietly. His cheeks flooded with heat.  
"Aye. Me too. I am pretty loveable, you know!" She laughed. "But you're much more loveable than me." She whispered, grabbing his hand, then planting her lips on his.  
He squeezed her hand, and kissed back.  
Having a nightmare wasn't the worst thing in the world after all, if Deryn Sharp was there to comfort him.


End file.
